Why Omegle is a scary, scary place

Hey, I have a good idea- let's go somewhere where we can have 40 year old men shove their genitalia into our faces, have people snarl condescending abuse and sexually harassment at us, watch people dressed up in Halloween masks threaten to kill us and listen to men ask you if you've ever been sexually abused as a child (because if you gave them a long, lengthy description, that would really turn them on, hell, even if you haven't been abused go ahead and make up a story, cause that would be super hot).

Sure, there's a 'stop' button, allowing you to quickly flee from these mentally deranged ogres- but be warned, only seconds afterwards you'll have a conversation with a yet another set of infected, reddened genitalia.

Crazy as it sounds, I was an Omegle addict. I will talk you through the steps of my addiction, leading through to my eventual enlightenment when I realised that Omegle was a fucking pile of shit. 

1. Step One: Curiosity

I was an antisocial, introverted teenager who was petrified of every living creature (though cats were all right), not least STRANGERS, not least STRANGERS WHO WEREN'T MY AGE, not least STRANGERS ON THE INTERNET WHO MIGHT NOT BE MY OWN AGE. 

So little Morrisey junior, why on earth did you decide to go on Omegle?

Well, it seemed scary as hell.

And I like a thrill.
Plus, the idea of having fun conversations whilst having the security of a 'stop' button, sounded like bliss.

2. Step two: Deciding Omegle was fun

I remember vividly the first time I went on the video section of Omegle. I freaked out so much when I saw the first person that I automatically pressed the 'stop' button. It didn't work and the Omegle video conversation continued, (I didn't realise you had to press the button twice, you see) so  I then went into  major panic mode and attempted to hide under the table so the person couldn't see me, tripping on my wire charging my laptop in the process and bringing the laptop crashing to the floor. The conversation was still going, so I manically pressed the off button on my laptop, taking pains to ignore the face of the poor confused man on the other side of the video call. 

But after that episode, and after getting over the shock of seeing so many penises ALL THE TIME, I decided that Omegle was great. The thrill of never knowing who I was speaking to next was addictive. And I met some pretty awesome people that I would probably never meet in real life, who I had intellectual conversations with about novels, or Tarantino movies, or what the best guitar amps were.

3. Step three: Extreme addiction

Omegle sucked me into a black vortex that I found near impossible to escape. 

For all it's faults, Omegle taught me a very interesting thing about myself: as introverted as I think I am, I absolutely love people. I love how no two individuals are the same, how everyone has their own endearing quirks, and how there seems to be some form beauty in everyone. But being the shy, awkward person I am, I only enjoy meeting people when I feel safe, and am not overcome with paranoia about what the said stranger thinks of me. The anonymity of Omegle and the glorious 'stop' button ensured I felt my most comfortable.

But the problem was, most people weren't on this website simply for conversations like I was (I'll come back to this in step four). For every one nice person, I had to flick through 60 of the strangest homosapiens inhabiting planet Earth. Omegle was taking monster-sized bites out of my time and believe me so, so so much of my time has been wasted staring with sore eyes at a painfully bright laptop screen pressing 'stop' repeatedly.

Though one thing Omegle is great fun for, is lying. I never really tried this as much as I should have, but most people on Omegle will believe literally anything you tell them. If you search for long enough, you'll probably meet someone gullible enough to believe you're a timelord/ Nicholas Cage/ the reincarnation of Sirius Black.
Look at this interesting example taken from a Cracked article:

4. Step Four: Realising this site was full of strange, strange people

(I apologise to those who may have suffered cardiac arrests from this gif).

95% Horny bastards

There was a sad moment of realisation when I noticed that almost all the guys who talked to me were  hoping that I'd show them my boobs/ talk dirty/ watch them masturbate/ rub a hair brush against my bare feet whilst they masturbated. I began to feel as if I was nothing more than a sexual object to the male sex.

At first I would just say no to whatever sexual request and then turn the conversation in a different direction, but after a while I got pretty tired and ended the conversation immediately. Some guys were downright disrespectful, and would swear at me when I refused to take off my top.

There was a shameful moment when I was bored late at night, and a good looking guy two years younger than me (at the time I was 17 and he was 15) who I was having a fairly nice conversation with decided to secretly masturbate. The strange thing was, I was fully clothed- so this guy probably had a really vivid imagination. He was so subtle that I didn't notice at all- until he came, mid way between telling me about his passion for basketball.
Watching a 15 year old boy I had met less than 10 minutes ago orgasm over me was one of the weirdest feelings of my life.

10% Lonely guys looking for love who will SMOTHER you

The number of Indian men who suggested we got married was alarming (especially considering I was 17).

I've added many guys on Facebook who I thought were interested in platonic friendships, but who I later had to delete as they wanted a relationship.

My saddest memory was having to delete a lovely guy I'd met on Omegle from Skype.It just got too much when he started planning to come over to England and live with me, and told me about how desperately  he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me THREE DAYS after adding him on Skype.

90% WEIRDOS (many in the 'horny bastards' section fit in here)

The guy wearing a cookie monster suit who said he wouldn't give me any cookies unless I licked my feet in front of the camera.

The guy who asked me to describe in depth any past experiences of sexual abuse because it would turn him on.

The guy holding a knife up to a camera saying he would kill me.
The guy who gave me a tour of his house, asked me what I thought of his furniture and my opinion on whether or not there were aliens hiding in his fridge and then abruptly showed me his penis. 

5. Realising that I'd be better off without it

All the interesting friends I made either stopped talking to me after I added them on fb or Skype. Guess why? Because they were interesting, and had lives that occupied them - they didn't have time to invest on a semi-interesting girl they'd talked to for 1/2 hr who lived on the other side of the world. Jens from Germany who wanted to become a managing director was too busy to ever even sign in to Skype.
And the ones who did talk to me where just hoping I'd have webcam sex with them.

Now, don't get me wrong, when Leif K-Brooks created Omegle he probably wasn't intending for it to be some sort of pervert paradise. The fact that the homepage has a sign  that says 'Do not get pervy' and in tiny print at the bottom it says "Do not transmit nudity, sexually harass anyone" should send a clear message to people. But from a young age, we've all gathered that rules without anyone to enforce won't be followed- the same way most kids won't go to bed at their regular bed-time if their babysitter is too busy watching KOWK to yell at them.Unless Omegle turns into a site like Chat Roulette where people can be reported as they have individual accounts, the perverts will continue to rampage. Though, there is something appealing about not having to sign up, it makes you feel a lot more anonymous.

Omegle can be incredibly fun if you're lucky and meet the right people.
(See below, a picture of me having a perfectly normal conversation with a guy. Though I lied about my name, anonymity is fun).


(Shitty webcam quality=my face looking grey and corpse like. Don't worry, I'm not a secret zombie. Though that would be pretty cool.)

But, if you're on Omegle for a conversation like I was, trust me, you'll probably meet nicer people if you just talked more to people in real life- that person reading your favourite novel in a coffee shop, the girl who works in the same building as you and occasionally smiles at you, the man who's also waiting for that extremely delayed train. Yes, complete strangers might be a bit rude to you if they don't want a conversation, but don't trick yourself into thinking Omegle isn't full of rude people too. If you like the thrill of meeting new people, talking to strangers in real life will not only boost your confidence, but like Omegle, if you don't like the person don't worry- you probably will never see them again.

And- UNLIKE OMEGLE- strangers in real life are a lot less likely to shove their penises in your face or ask you to lick your feet in front of them.

I rest my case.